just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A+ Viking dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
