I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
only if we run a train.
done.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my poor anus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
