I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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