He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
