better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
