Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
