A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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