Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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