I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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