Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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