So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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