dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ambylanc
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
