Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
