this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
