i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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