win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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