Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there was a trapeze. enough said
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
