I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
