I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need to calm my uterus...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
