The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
