Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
