Someone shit on the floor
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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