We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
