Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
