Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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