this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
