Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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