This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
