If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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