There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
