Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
