Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sarcasm needs its own font
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
try to milk me bitch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
