when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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