Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
