How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
