Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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