his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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