Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
