I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
