Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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