well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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