you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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