This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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