You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
