sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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