this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
