Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
