In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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