I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize