i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
