he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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