Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
