Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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