Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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