Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
