You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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