i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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