Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
