Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
