Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
