Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
