i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
