Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
