i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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