Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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