Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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