I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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