Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
