I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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