lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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