so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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