Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
