Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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