do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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