Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
