i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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