It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
